I’ve been reflecting on something I’ve been hearing a lot during the pandemic from the women I coach and that is, “I should just be grateful that I have a job.”  This feeling of being beholden to your employer and, moreso, obliged to put your head down and just get on with it actually hurts you and the organization.  It can lead to stress, burnout, isolation and a complete lack of motivation or engagement.  And it can prevent you from asking for what you need.

The truth, of course, is that your good work, engagement and commitment matter enormously and organizations are grateful to have hard working employees.  So if you find yourself wanting to ask for what you need, but this limiting belief that you should “just be grateful to have a job” is holding you back, here are a few things that can help!

Step 1:  Figure out what you need

Before you make an ask, invest time in figuring out what it is that you need. Be specific! Do you need a promotion? Tuition reimbursement? More time off? If so, how much time? Whatever you choose to ask for, it should be meaningful and powerful to you. When you look at it you should say to yourself, “that would really matter and have a huge impact on my work.”

What you need may also be about personal learning and development. Building confidence, overcoming imposter syndrome, learning how to connect with what motivates you, or cultivating habits to help avoid burnout. The point is that you need to identify for yourself what exactly you want to ask for and why it matters.

Step 2:  Write out your accomplishments and successes 

Despite working from home (or sleeping at the office as I’ve come to call it), you have stayed motivated and dedicated to your employer. Unfortunately, far too many leaders forget to appreciate and thank their employees. This is a mistake because research shows that when leaders and managers want more effort from employees, gratitude and recognition go a long way.

Even if your organization isn’t doing a good job of recognizing you, it’s important to regularly reflect on your strengths and accomplishments. Make a practice of paying attention to what you’re good at and what gives you energy. Note how your work has contributed to the overall success of your organization or team. Now make your work visible by talking about it with others and sharing your accomplishments with your manager. Speak clearly about the work you do, and do it in a way that aligns with business outcomes.

Step 3:  Have confidence in your ask

Have confidence when you ask! You’ve done your homework. Stay grounded in the fact that you know what you need and you’re clear about how it will benefit you and the organization. Your work has contributed enormously and you know how to talk about that. Develop a practice of sharing your successes. 

If the help you are asking for is about learning and development, note that many organizations have large budgets for this and often have global heads of learning and development. Why are companies willing to invest so much in learning? Because this investment reaps huge rewards:  greater employee engagement, improved performance, higher productivity, better relationships at work, more collaboration, increased creativity, and so many more. 

Learn about the positive outcomes that development opportunities may give you to bolster your confidence in what you are asking for. For example, you may say “the majority of people who (attend this program, work with this coach, learn to use this application, etc…) see concrete results.” Share what those are and what you hope to achieve!

Step 4: Practice your ask

Create a script and practice! Start with gratitude. Say how much you appreciate the organization and the time your manager spends in helping you grow and develop.

Next, discuss the concrete help you need or the learning opportunity that is right for you. Share what you have learned so far in the organization and how you think the help you’re seeking will further your contribution. Note how it links to business outcomes and development goals that you’ve set.

Finally, provide a clear breakdown of what you are asking for. Include its benefits to you and to the organization, and how you will balance it with your existing work.

Step 5:  Be prepared for feedback

Figure out who the right person to ask for support may be and then be prepared to hear what they have to say. If your emotions get the better of you in these moments, remember to breathe!

They might share some stories with you about others who have made a similar ask and what worked for them. They may suggest you raise your request with someone else. It may be that they need more information about how what you are asking for will positively impact the business and not hinder work. Whatever they say, move from certainty to curiosity and use that conversation to help you refine your request and improve your chances of getting what you want.

Step 6:  Need more support?  Join my program!

In our career growth series, we have multiple coaching exercises to help you get clear on what you want, get confident in your career growth strategy, build and leverage relationships that help you grow, and bounce back from disappointments. 

We’ve also created group coaching sessions to build a network of ambitious women who learn from and support one another. If you are interested, look at my programs and ask your employer to sponsor you in the next cohort. Here’s a sample letter to help you ask for what you need!

Do it. You deserve it and your organization reaps the reward!

It is time for organizations to double down on creating workplaces of belonging and inclusion, or risk losing their women.

According to the McKinsey and LeanIn.org 2020 Women in the Workplace study, two million women are estimated to consider taking a leave of absence or leaving the workplace altogether due to Covid-19.  Close to one million women have already left the workplace.  This is the first time in six-years that women have left work at a pace far greater than men and this unprecedented departure threatens to undo years of hard work in the direction of achieving gender balance in the workplace, leaving aside for the moment the strides we must be taking towards achieving gender balance in leadership. 

It will take organizations a lot to keep their women.  So organizations must  first understand why diversity really matters and commit to getting serious about keeping their women.  

Diversity improves the quality of a team’s work.

Diversity leads to higher-quality work, better decision-making, and greater team satisfaction.  When done well, it impacts not only the company’s bottom line but the lives of its employees and everyone in the organization’s ecosystem, including clients, customers, vendors and suppliers.  Organizations with whom I consult want higher quality products and happier, more productive teams; yet when it comes to doing the  hard work, there is still resistance.  Homogeneity is easier. If we are serious about changing things, we must actually believe that change will result in better.                

Women leaders create the conditions for success

I coach women in leadership because women leaders create the conditions for themselves and others to thrive.  Research in a 2019 Harvard Business Review Article shows that women are thought to be more effective than men in 84% of the competencies that are frequently developed in leadership including, among other things, taking initiative, resilience, self-development, driving for results, displaying honesty and integrity, developing, inspiring and motivating others. 

Strong listening skills and empathetic leadership leads to outstanding results.  For example, in showcasing Jacinda Arden’s leadership in New Zealand, the Atlantic wrote that New Zealand’s Prime Minister “may be the most effective leader on the planet.” Describing her style as one, “focused on empathy,” that “isn’t just resonating with her people; it’s putting the country on track for success against the coronavirus.”  Leading with empathy is one of the most important things people in organizations can do to build more diversity and inclusion.

Diversity means getting comfortable with difficult conversations

Organizations must double down on building psychological safety at work.  Thanks to Amy Edmonson’s work at Harvard and Google’s Project Aristotle, many are familiar with the term psychological safety and know that it leads to more effective teams.  But in practice, and as it relates to diversity, creating psychological safety means fostering an environment where we can talk honestly about the vulnerabilities we feel around privilege and discrimination, inclusion and exclusion, without fear of punishment or retribution.  

We must learn to share what we don’t know, what makes us uncomfortable, what feels unfair and how we can work collectively to tackle systemic barriers to inclusion and promotion.  Using tried and tested methods of communication like Marshall Rosenberg’s nonviolent communication model, Nancy Kline’s thinking rounds or the Young Presidents Organization’s model for forums which includes listening, accepting and sharing are all good places to start.  And leaders of organizations must be doing this work themselves.  Without them engaging, role modeling, practicing and leading from the front, change will not happen.

A culture of inclusion is required to get to balance

Belonging and inclusion mean diverse ideas, perspectives and people are considered when decisions are made.  Organizations must be rigorously thoughtful about who gets access to information, how people communicate and what gets considered when it’s time to decide.  There must be regular acts of courageous leadership, speaking truth to power and insisting on diversity in leadership, in talent pipelines and on boards.  

Embracing equality requires challenging what we think works

In embracing the collective awakening to barriers to promotion and, at times like these, even to staying at work, we need to explore deeply the extent to which stereotypes or assumptions are at play in the organization.  Who is included and who is not?  What voices get heard?  Who has real power and how did they get that power?  Even NASDAQ is embracing equality with their proposed new listing rules that will require all of the companies listed on the US exchange to require at least two diverse directors on boards, one of which must be a woman. 

“We are human beings, not human doings.”

– Dalia Lama

Finally, we all need to have real conversations about the way we work.  As the Dalai Lama said, we are human beings, not human doings.  We need to take a hard look at what we are demanding and what we get in return.  In what is currently a remote only environment for many of us, can we be flexible about how and when we respond to work related inquiries?  In making work sustainable, we must ask what are our goals, the scope of our projects and how we agree to certain timelines? This requires clarity  about expectations and why they matter, and consideration of the whole person working, particularly working mothers, working single mothers, working women caring for others and women working to care for themselves.