Blog | Page 14 | Ali Levin

I’ve been reflecting on something I’ve been hearing a lot during the pandemic from the women I coach and that is, “I should just be grateful that I have a job.” This feeling of being beholden to your employer and, moreso, obliged to put your head down and just get on with it actually hurts you and the organization. It can lead to stress, burnout, isolation and a complete lack of motivation or engagement. And it can prevent you from asking for what you need.

The truth, of course, is that your good work, engagement and commitment matter enormously and organizations are grateful to have hard working employees. So if you find yourself wanting to ask for what you need, but this limiting belief that you should “just be grateful to have a job” is holding you back, here are a few things that can help!

Step 1: Figure out what you need

Before you make an ask, invest time in figuring out what it is that you need. Be specific! Do you need a promotion? Tuition reimbursement? More time off? If so, how much time? Whatever you choose to ask for, it should be meaningful and powerful to you. When you look at it you should say to yourself, “that would really matter and have a huge impact on my work.”

What you need may also be about personal learning and development. Building confidence, overcoming imposter syndrome, learning how to connect with what motivates you, or cultivating habits to help avoid burnout. The point is that you need to identify for yourself what exactly you want to ask for and why it matters.

Step 2: Write out your accomplishments and successes

Despite working from home (or sleeping at the office as I’ve come to call it), you have stayed motivated and dedicated to your employer. Unfortunately, far too many leaders forget to appreciate and thank their employees. This is a mistake because research shows that when leaders and managers want more effort from employees, gratitude and recognition go a long way.

Even if your organization isn’t doing a good job of recognizing you, it’s important to regularly reflect on your strengths and accomplishments. Make a practice of paying attention to what you’re good at and what gives you energy. Note how your work has contributed to the overall success of your organization or team. Now make your work visible by talking about it with others and sharing your accomplishments with your manager. Speak clearly about the work you do, and do it in a way that aligns with business outcomes.

Step 3: Have confidence in your ask

Have confidence when you ask! You’ve done your homework. Stay grounded in the fact that you know what you need and you’re clear about how it will benefit you and the organization. Your work has contributed enormously and you know how to talk about that. Develop a practice of sharing your successes.

If the help you are asking for is about learning and development, note that many organizations have large budgets for this and often have global heads of learning and development. Why are companies willing to invest so much in learning? Because this investment reaps huge rewards: greater employee engagement, improved performance, higher productivity, better relationships at work, more collaboration, increased creativity, and so many more.

Learn about the positive outcomes that development opportunities may give you to bolster your confidence in what you are asking for. For example, you may say “the majority of people who (attend this program, work with this coach, learn to use this application, etc…) see concrete results.” Share what those are and what you hope to achieve!

Step 4: Practice your ask

Create a script and practice! Start with gratitude. Say how much you appreciate the organization and the time your manager spends in helping you grow and develop.

Next, discuss the concrete help you need or the learning opportunity that is right for you. Share what you have learned so far in the organization and how you think the help you’re seeking will further your contribution. Note how it links to business outcomes and development goals that you’ve set.

Finally, provide a clear breakdown of what you are asking for. Include its benefits to you and to the organization, and how you will balance it with your existing work.

Step 5: Be prepared for feedback

Figure out who the right person to ask for support may be and then be prepared to hear what they have to say. If your emotions get the better of you in these moments, remember to breathe!

They might share some stories with you about others who have made a similar ask and what worked for them. They may suggest you raise your request with someone else. It may be that they need more information about how what you are asking for will positively impact the business and not hinder work. Whatever they say, move from certainty to curiosity and use that conversation to help you refine your request and improve your chances of getting what you want.

Step 6: Need more support? Join my program!

In our career growth series, we have multiple coaching exercises to help you get clear on what you want, get confident in your career growth strategy, build and leverage relationships that help you grow, and bounce back from disappointments.

We’ve also created group coaching sessions to build a network of ambitious women who learn from and support one another. If you are interested, look at my programs and ask your employer to sponsor you in the next cohort. Here’s a sample letter to help you ask for what you need!

Do it. You deserve it and your organization reaps the reward!

They say hindsight is 2020 and never has that expression mattered more than it does now. I’ve been reflecting on what 2020 has taught me. Here are my biggest takeaways from a year that I won’t miss.

Set intentions not goals.

I coached leaders in enough businesses in 2020 to watch them pivot, iterate, set new goals and scrap OKRs altogether. There was too much uncertainty, unpredictability, and ever shifting sand to find firm footing. The companies that I watched succeed, however, stayed true to their intentions. They didn’t let goal setting anxieties or missing targets hold them back. I’m following the same advice for myself.

I’ve never been much of a goal setter and, in fact, psychometric instruments (also known as personality tests) back me up on that. Reflect on that for a moment. I have three advanced degrees and bucket loads of “achievements” — jobs at the best law firms in the world, an Oxford degree and associate fellowship there, been featured on top radio shows and in prime media publications, and now I’m launching my own business. And I am not a goal setter.

When I set goals, anxiety sets in. I can’t sleep and I spend my life measuring things. When we first launched our online coaching program, I thought I should set goals. How many instagram followers, email subscribers, and facebook friends do we have? Suddenly, I couldn’t sleep without checking in on how I was doing against my goals. When I realized that was happening, I stopped.

I went back to my intention — to help get as many women into leadership positions as possible. Suddenly everything shifted. I stopped counting followers and subscribers. I refocused all of my attention on what the women I’m coaching need. What can I do today to support, challenge and promote the women I reach through my work. That is the only measure of success.

Goal setting produces anxiety and wastes time. Intention setting means I am living my core values every day. And it doesn’t get in the way of achievement.

Safety is an inside job.

Holy sh*t — did the world feel unsafe this year or what? Once the stay-at-home orders hit California, the panic set it. I had just finished a meeting in LA and stopped at Whole Foods on the way home. I had no idea what was happening. I met a distraught young woman sitting on the floor in the middle of a nearly empty aisle looking for a can of anything. I sat down next to her. This was before we knew about masks and social distancing.

“Are you okay?”

She said, “Everyone seems to be panicking so it makes me feel like I should be panicking too.”

“No,” I said. “You shouldn’t be.”

That was a profound moment for me. We talked for awhile about how having an abundance of dried rice and beans and toilet paper wasn’t going to make either of us feel any safer. I bought beer and left.

What 2020 made clear was that, yes, we need to pay attention, care for and believe in ourselves and each other, practice safe social distancing and have compassion. But safety is an inside job. There was nothing we could be certain of in 2020 and that is not going to change in 2021. I returned to more contemplative practices in 2020. Meditation to stay present, the poetry of Mary Oliver and the warm fur of my soft animals to keep me warm.

Feeling safe to me means being present and awake in my body. I feel safe because I am living a life with purpose and intention and believing in myself because I’m living consistently with my values. I recognize that I am privileged to not live with food scarcity and to have a warm place to sleep every night. That is abundance.

Fix your own oxygen mask first.

We can be of no service to others when we are not okay ourselves. This was the year that I took self care to new levels and never once considered self care to be a selfish act. I tried out every tool in the resilience tool chest.

I sent thank you notes to people who helped me along the way which made me feel better for a while.

I kept a silver linings notebook.

I meditated for 5 minutes a day, then 10, then twice a day for 20. I practiced several different kinds of meditation over the last year.

I did yoga, then I hired a trainer, then I tried fast walking, then I did a few deadlifts with my corgi.

I binge watched Netflix, took a break from TV altogether, listened to audiobooks and podcasts, returned to hardcover and took entire media breaks.

I took hot baths and cold showers.

When asked by my coaching clients what to do to feel better, I said “whatever works.”

The most important lesson I learned was that when we are stuck in our homes for nearly a year, we may have to try different things at different times and we have to take care of ourselves first. My entire job is to support others and if I’m in bad shape, I’m in no shape to help anyone.

Never lose your sense of humor.

This familiar adage is one my father used to preach but I don’t think I really appreciated how important it was until this year. He died a few years ago and mostly I remember him telling me this as a teenager. Through tears I implored him to understand that there was nothing funny about what I was going through.

Boy was he wise. Humor is the antidote. In 2020, so many horrible things were made so clear that we could not look away. Injustices, murders, inequality, brutality, hate, fear and so much death. My pod has been very small in 2020. Limited only to my brother and my daughter. Thankfully, they are both pretty funny.

Humor makes us resilient. Humor weakens negative emotions. Humor strengthens our immune systems. Humor makes us feel like we belong. Humor gives us energy. Humor revitalizes us. Humor makes the unbearable bearable.

In the words of Viktor Frankl, the Austrian Holocaust survivor who wrote about what Auschwitz taught him in Man’s Search for Meaning, “I never would have made it if I could not have laughed. It lifted me momentarily out of this horrible situation, just enough to make it livable.”

How to Ask for What You Need