I’ve been thinking about community this month (we will soon be launching a community of our own), and I am committed to making it matter. In a world that is experiencing an epidemic of loneliness and isolation, I want to ensure that our community is vibrant and meaningful.
I decided to launch this community to foster connection and enable growth, and it has made me curious about the many communities I have been in for the better part of a decade. What made them matter? And when have they failed?
The ones that have worked share four key attributes: curiosity and care, growth and learning, support accountability and a shared purpose.
Curiosity and Care.
The communities of which I belong are designed to foster inclusivity and belonging. Whether meeting in person or virtually, we agree to show up and share in what has meaning to us. That almost always involves exploring our feelings, getting curious about how we are experiencing the world around us, and providing what our members need — comfort and support, strength and stability, joy and celebration.
A dear friend of mine who recently departed this world – and far too soon – had an exercise he used to do in breakout sessions. We would share who we gave support to and who we received support from in four categories: a hand to cheer, a shoulder to cry, a brain to pick, and a butt to kick. I always loved the last category the most. Who do you cheer on like a head coach on a competitive sports team? And who does that for you?
We cannot care about each other if we do not know each other. Making community matter requires an investment of time and attention (our most precious resource) and a commitment to being present. In one community of which I am a part, we have made several commitments that have fostered greater connection and curiosity. We agree to show up, we honor confidentiality, we have a “no shoulding” rule on each other, and we always do a check-in, whether through virtual breakout rooms or pairing up in person, we use some simple prompts for reconnection and reflection. Think of this like using the steps into the pool instead of diving right in.
Sometimes just being seen and heard in our communities is all we need to feel connected and to remind us that we belong. This is the antidote to our epidemic of social isolation and loneliness.
Learning Together.
In every meaningful community that I’m in, whether it is yoga where we are seeking to expand our awareness and our practice, or the integration circles in the courses I’m taking or leading, we are on a mission to deepen our understanding. Communities are a place to share our insights, explore our understanding of what matters and why, and ask questions when our perspective are being challenged. The collaborative nature of community allows us to creatively address problems that can feel overwhelming when we consider them alone.
Learning together helps us feel less anxious about the challenges we are facing in the world and more hopeful about the possibility of living a more conscious life.
Support Accountability.
Insight into action is at the heart of the meaningful communities. The accountability support that a community offers is different from having to report to your teacher, manager or parent. Instead, it is like the relationship you may have with your coach. In my own communities, I have heard supportive things like, “I hear where you say you want to go in your life and how what you’ve learned matters, but I’m curious about the steps you are taking to make that happen.” I like the members of my community to be a light and a mirror for me, as I commit to doing that for them. Some people call this helping us to see our blind spots. This has been where some of my greatest growth has occurred.
When I first joined the YPO community, I had recently quit practicing law and moved to the UK. I had no career and was uncertain about what to do next. One of my forum members asked me if I knew how powerful I was. Powerful, I asked?? I’m 4’10” and weigh 90 pounds. I’ve left my career and my country, how could I possibly have any power. But I listened, and asked questions and this started me on my journey to become a coach. This was just the sort of accountability support I needed.
Be on Purpose.
Finally, the community has to have a reason to come together in the first place. I’ve been in community with students at schools I’ve attended and schools my child has attended. We connect in caring about the institution and how it is carrying out its mission. I have been in community with various Jewish groups and our mission of Tikkun Olam, a Hebrew phrase that translates to “repairing the world” and is synonymous with social action and social justice. The community that we are going to create will help women become better and more fulfilled leaders. We will be intentional about how we are doing that and how to help one another do it even better.
As I said in the beginning, loneliness is an epidemic and the Harvard Business Review recently published an article stating that “central to this crisis is a lack of community.” Let’s be part of the solution.
If you are ready to experience the power of connection, join my Community Waitlist today.
