Someone recently asked me, “What questions do women executives frequently bring to coaching and how do you help them?”
Often the first thing I do is help reframe the questions so they become powerful sources of inspiration rather than complaints.
Here are a few of the questions, they reframe and where we start in coaching.
From: How do I fix all this broken sh*t?
To: What’s the most important contribution I can make to this organization?
Let’s start by acknowledging what a powerful question this is. When we see our work as contribution rather than clean up, we are able to act like leaders rather than managers.
We don’t fall into the trap of having rushed conversations on getting stuff done, but rather we bring a servant leadership approach.
Robert Greenleaf, who coined the term servant leadership in the early 1970s, wrote, “The servant-leader is servant first…it begins with that natural feeling that one wants to serve. The best test, which is difficult to administer, is: Do those served grow as persons? Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants?”
I ask women executives to consider what kind of leadership is required of them in the moment and how can they serve those connected to the organization best, from employees to those using the company’s products and services. Start there.
From: How do I get them to listen to me?
To: How do I communicate my message in a way that will lead others to follow?
Love them where they are, is something I say to all of the executives I coach. People have a desperate need to be seen and heard, and it is often the case that they are not listening to you because no one is listening to them.
Starting by hearing what the pain points are of those you are leading changes everything. How are they experiencing the world? What is blocking them? What do they think is the right direction for the team or the project?
In a recent 360 I completed for a woman in the C-suite, I heard repeatedly that she was the best leader they had ever had because she listened. And they added, even if she doesn’t use my ideas, I know that she heard them and I’m ready to follow her because I believe she has thoughtfully set direction.
Once people been heard, then you can begin to craft your message in a way that will move their hearts and minds based on their experience of the organization. Ask the question, how do they think and feel now? How do you want to them to think and feel? Knowing what they care about, what would move them in that direction?
From: How do I deal with a difficult CEO or Board?
To: How do I effectively manage up?
Many executives I work with don’t understand why the logic approach doesn’t always work. They may say, I’ve got all the evidence and I’ve made the case, why aren’t they listening?
While this approach makes perfect sense, in a world where women have their credibility undermined and their authority questioned all the time, this alone often won’t do it for women executives.
I often share with the women I coach that they need a burning platform or a a burning bush. In other words, paint the picture of every bad thing that could happen if they are not following your lead.
And tell them a positive story about what the benefits will be if they do act.
The challenge here is that you have to be sure of what you are cautioning and what you are offering, otherwise you erode your own credibility. This is how you bring logic back into the room but with the addition of context and storytelling.
I love the positive compelling vision for the future. You might say, “imagine for a moment how great it would feel if together we could create …”
From: How do I get all this sh*t done?
To: What is the most effective use of my time and that of those I’m leading?
Here I ask the women executives I coach to imagine their organizations as better places to work, with a better product or service and to get very clear on why that matters. The more we pay attention to our greater purpose or intention in what we are doing, the more likely we are to be successful.
With that framing, we can employ the old Eisenhower’s Box (Do, Delegate, Decide, Delete). I put the many tasks in front of me on post it notes and then use the box to prioritize. What will make the biggest difference here.
One of the reasons I find this framing so helpful is that often when we are tired, stressed or trying desperately to prove ourselves and our worth (because we can get exhausted from having been challenged so many times), we get mired in detail or we choose easy tasks first. Neither of these will move organization meaningfully forward.
As you can see, the questions women executives bring to coaching can resonate across all levels of women leaders. Many of these questions often stem from a place of frustration or overwhelm, and by adopting a more strategic and servant-leadership approach, we can transform them into powerful opportunities for growth and impact.
Ready to reframe your own leadership challenges? Connect with me to explore how our work together can help you become a more confident, effective and fulfilled leader 👉 https://coachalilevin.com/contact/
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